


Twisted Sinners

by iSherbika (sherbika)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, Crack, Dark Comedy, Dysfunctional Family, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff, Mild Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Slice of Life, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 03:55:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12879654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherbika/pseuds/iSherbika
Summary: Every family has a black sheep. You were the Noah's.Millennium Earl / ReaderFriendship Reader/VariousInspired by two wonderful people who got me back into writing after awhile. Dedicated to them also.





	1. Uno [Dinner Troubles]

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ElmiDol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmiDol/gifts), [Byakko-chan (Darksinokaru)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darksinokaru/gifts).



> Here it is, probably the greatest and longest running thing I've ever done, and that's saying something.
> 
> This is a Millennium Earl/Reader throughout, highlighting their relationship at different stages, so if that's not your bag I suggest leaving now. Okay? Okay.
> 
> This chapter contains violence so you have been warned! Enjoy!

“What on earth are you eating?”

“Crocodile.”

“Err, that’s disgusting!”

A tense silence met your words, and everyone watched with baited breath as he turned to face you, grin never faltering as he chewed on his meal. He took your hands in his own, and your head tilted back in worry.

Two sickening cracks met the awaiting silence, followed by a hoarse scream which every member of room cringed at, Skinn included.

The cause of said sounds was indifferent, however, turning back to his plate calmly as you hysterically sobbed at the sight of your thumbs protruding in opposite directions.

“You’re disgusting.”


	2. Due [Hat Sorting]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some fluff/neutral stuff to make up for the first chapter, heh. Enjoy!

The humming was mesmerising, drawing you further into its charms. It was a familiar tune, usually soft and cheery, yet it became dark and morbid as it swept through his vocal chords. 

You approached the barely open door slowly, not wishing to disturb the man in his moments of peace. Solitude was rare, given the responsibilities of the family and its impact on him. And yet, the humming had ensnared your senses, and like his many victims, you were powerless against his charms. 

You peeked through the crack, only being able to see his back from this angle. His hat was off, exposing his curved horns. You barely suppressed a giggle, remembering the time you informed him they were compensating for something. Naturally, your remark resulted in a very severe punishment, one which you still had the burn marks from. 

Your thought process was halted by a content sigh from him, and you caught sight of him lifting something up to the light.

“What do you think, Lero? To the left, or the right? ~”

“The left, Lero Lero!”

He hummed in response, placing the item to his left. The slight movement allowed you to see the various assortment of hat decorations upon the floor, literally hundreds cluttering it, each unique and acquiring to his tastes.

You smiled, sneaking down the corridor in an attempt not to disturb him. Hat sorting was a strange hobby, but what exactly was normal about the Earl of the Millennium?


	3. Tre [Cooking Troubles]

Why exactly are you cooking, hmm?”

You glanced up at Earl through the black smoke, trying your hardest not to cough, a frown marring your lips.

“Because I’m sick of always being waited on! I’m an independent woman, damn it! I should at least be able to make my own food." You scoffed, turning back to your terrible concoction. The smoke suddenly cleared away, and a hand came to rest on your shoulder.

“Oh [Name]. ~ You know you’re independent enough, but it’s my job to look after you, to pamper you. ~” You sighed, glancing up into those reflective glasses.

“But I want to make my own stuff too…” You grumbled, burying your head into his stomach. His arms enveloped you.

“And you will, just not today.”

You smiled, pressing into him.

“… Is making toast always that complicated?”

“No, that’s just you. ~


	4. Quattro [Homework Help]

The table was in absolute chaos, that much was for certain. You didn't even want to know why Lero had various fruits on him, but it was probably another fashion statement.

Skinn had left a few minutes ago, grumbling about a 'lack of sweetness' whilst the twins scribbled numerous fives all over the furniture. Tyki looked offended at the comments towards his 'brilliant Geography knowledge', commenting that he 'had been to more countries than you could count'. Road looked ready to eat someone, and the Earl? Well, you had been around him long enough to pick up on the telltale signs, and right now twitching ears meant swift and painful punishments.

You attempted to sneak off, knowing full well what was about to happen, but Road beat you to it.

"[Nameeeeeeee]," She whined, causing everyone to finally notice your presence. "Help me with my homework, please? I know you'll do a good job."

You sighed, admitting defeat by holding out a hand. Road squeaked in delight, and passed over her hefty Maths book.

"I know you won't let me down [Name]." She smiled, and you sighed again. You hated homework, you failed it at school for a reason, but Maths? Someone up there was testing you. But letting the infant Noah down meant pain, so you attempted the terrifying questions in front of you.

_If x = 3 and y = 6, calculate the following: 3x + y²(3+5g) ÷ 4_

... No wonder Road asked for homework help.

Finally, after what seemed hours and dozens of attempts, you realised why the brothers did what they did. These questions were complicated, and writing anything down would avoid the strenuous process of figuring them out. Well, it was that, and that the boys were a bit stupid.

So you scribbled down a number, tossed the book back to Road, causing her to beam, and scurried off.

"Thanks [Name]!" She checked the answer and blinked. "Eh, seventeen? Why is it seventeen? It can't be seventeen! [Name]!"

But you were already halfway down the corridor, attempting to avoid punishment for as long as possible. The dark aura appearing behind you, however, made you question otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The twins guessed 5 in the anime and Tyki guessed 12, so 17 is the only logical answer)


	5. Cinque [How You Met]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of violence so view at own risk

A horrid commotion filled the town, pained screams ringing out as his twisted creations ran rampant, destroying the precious heritage that had been built up over centuries. Children wailed, women screamed, and the men shouted, all whilst trying to avoid the monstrosities. Those who hadn’t been taken gathered in the square, the only place unaffected for now by the demonic horrors. 

They heard him before he arrived, the creator of this morbid disaster, humming a sweet tune which was twisted leaving his fixed teeth. He skipped towards the cowering people, stopping as he approached them. The fires in the town only made his grotesque features stand out more, the flames reflecting violently off his glasses and pearly whites. 

“So, this is what’s left of you? Pity, I thought there was more. Oh well, you will all be gone soon, as will your town, or perhaps I’ll leave you as a reminder…”

One man, dust from the crumbling buildings and blood from his fallen friends covering his frail form, pointed an accusing finger at the towering figure, his voice hoarse.

“You vile, fat, horrid monster! You won’t get away with thi--”

He had no time to finish, for the figure was already upon him, placing his foot onto his back, causing the spinal cord to snap. He ignored the terror filled cries of his peers as he glanced down at him, grin twitching slightly.

“I’m not fat. ~”

“You, you…” A sickly looking woman started, but she could not continue, sobs racking her form instead. The figure hummed, pointing towards himself with his index finger.

“I am--”

“He’s the Earl of the Millennium, the Millennium Earl!” Everyone gasped as you pushed your way forward. Even the Earl blinked at your sudden intrusion, watching as you parted the crowd and stood before him, eyes shining with determination. You stood on your tiptoes, the top of your head barely reaching his chest, and you grinned.

“And he is _one_ sexy thing. ~”


	6. Sei [Butler Jokes]

Everyone was seated around the table, finishing their meals after the long conversation about family affairs. You had finished earlier than usual, and smiled warmly as the maid took your plate.

“N’aww, thanks Claudia. ~”

“Claudia?” Skinn grunted, food dripping down his chin. You pointed at the staff.

“Yep! Well, since we’re always waited on, and they don’t have names, I decided to give them some. The maid is Claudia, and the butler is Jeeves.” You frowned at the tall figure beside you. “Since someone took away their identities, I gave them new ones.”

“Is that even a real name?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask Jeeves? Then again, no one ever asks Jeeves.” And for reasons even you didn’t know, you snorted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Aha I'm so hilarious)


	7. Sette [Mind Games]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character spoilers if you're not up to date with the manga and anime, I guess. Basically it's Wisely time~
> 
> Crude humour everywhere. View at own risk.

“Hey Wisely?”

“Yes [Name]?”

“Can you tell what I'm thinking?”

The white haired youth sighed, glancing up at you as you innocently rocked on the balls of your feet.

“I can, yes. And no, the eyes on my head are not compensating for a lack of one downstairs.”

“N’aww,” You stuck your bottom lip out slightly. “That’s not even the best thought.”

Wisely attempted to block out the pestering questions littering your mind, but alas, he could not. A small tint of pink coated his nose.

“[Name], I am not answering that one. No, you cannot tie me up with my scarf, my torso is showing due to my outfit, not because I wish to ‘Flash those fab abs to the ladies’,” He turned to face you, brows quirked. “Now will you please stop it. I don’t need images of Sheril trying to woo me, he’s strange enough as it is.”

You grinned, leaning towards him. 

“But it’s fun, Wisely. ~”

The tint increased as he spluttered, your thoughts going way beyond their usual naughtiness. He instantly fled the room, leaving you smug with victory.

Turns out the Noah could be embarrassed after all. ~


	8. Otto [Borrowing Outfits]

You rummaged through the drawers, searching for anything to change into. You had taken a relaxing bath, only to discover the twins had stolen your clothes. So annoyed, wet, and thoroughly disgusted at what they were doing with your garments, you shuffled through the Earl’s drawers in an attempt to find something wearable. He wouldn't mind, he wore the same outfit anyway, and it would probably gain his attention.

“[Name]. ~”

“It’s open!”

You continued your search, ignoring the opening door and the shadow casting over the room. 

“Ah, there you are! Why are the twins running around with your cloth–” He abruptly stopped, and you looked up, finding him staring at you in your towel covered state, completely frozen. You lifted the towel up higher, especially when you noticed his grip on his umbrella handle tighten.

“They stole my clothes, so I was going through yours. I hope you don’t mind.”

He blinked, meeting your expectant vision. He waved his hand.

“Oh no, it’s fine. In fact, I’m sure you’ll look even lovelier than usual, if that’s possible. ~” You couldn't stop the blush that coated your cheeks. He placed himself on the edge of the bed, simply observing as you continued your search, an ‘Oof’ of surprise whistling through his teeth whenever an article you liked collided with him. 

Satisfied, you turned around, giggling at the striped underwear perched upon his hat. He merely blinked at you.

“You’re so adorable sometimes. ~” You pecked his nose, causing his grin to quirk upward slightly. You pulled the clothing off him and proceeded to get dressed. You motioned for him to look away and, being the gentleman that he was, did, although you could feel the powerful heat radiating off him. 

Fully clothed and dried, you threw your towel at his back, emitting another ‘Oof’ from him. He had barely turned around when you wrapped your arms around him.

“Thank you Early.” You gushed, kissing his cheek. He hummed, taking in how delectable you looked in his outfit. 

“I told you you would look even lovelier.” You turned red and poked his chest, releasing a chuckle from him. You felt his hands upon you and sighed in content.

“But never as lovely as you, Earl.”


	9. Nove [Clothes Confessions]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue heavy chapter

"Hey, when I was going through your clothes, I found something.”

Expecting a usual ‘oh’ in response, you were startled when a high blush covered his cheeks.

“Something? What was that then?”

“… It was your pornography stash.” He blinked at you and you laughed. “No, but seriously, I found what looked like half a corset.”

His blush intensified further, and he turned away from you.

“Ah, yes, about that…”

“Is it another woman’s?”

Silence met your demand, before a long sigh broke it. You had to strain your ears to hear his response.

“… No, it’s mine.”

“… You wear a half corset?”

He nodded, his posture giving off the impression that his ears should have currently been downwards, along with his grin. You heard him release a sniffle.

“Hey…” You mused, hugging him tightly, which only made him tense up more. “I don’t care about that. I think it’s cute. ~”

“But they’re…” Another sniffle. “They’re too…”

“Big? Damn right they are. No wonder those puppies stay locked away. People would be all over you like I am.” He slowly turned to face you again, and you gave him a heart-warming smile. 

“I like wearing men’s clothes, remember? There’s nothing wrong with a little secret.”

“[Name]…” He started, placing his arms around you. “… Thank you. But this never leaves this room, got that?”

“Definitely.”

\-----

“Hey guys, we were outside the Earl’s bedroom earlier, and guess what!”

You and the Earl both froze, sharing a nervous glance.

“[Name] likes men’s panties! ~”

“[Name] likes cross-dressing! ~”

“We stole her clothes too! ~”

“She has a massive--”

Their remarks were cut off and replaced with squeaks as you leapt across the table, eyes ablaze with fury and a dark aura surrounding you.

“You little _bastards_! I’ll end you!”


	10. Dieci [Grub Hunting]

"And here we see the majestic Earl, hunting for his so called delicious grub in the down under."

"[Name]." Said previously mentioned individual turned to face you, and you giggled yet again at his choice of attire. He was dressed like a stereotypical hunter, complete with the hat, although his horns caused it to not be fully sat upon his head. "What are you doing?"

"I'm narrating our adventure, silly. ~" You grinned, and Earl turned around to continue his previous actions. 

"Does it require the terrible Australian accent?"

"Yep!" You nodded, hastily following the towering man as he quickened his pace. "It's not everyday I get to go to Australia, much less hunt down my baby's favourite food! Although." You paused, tapping your chin thoughtfully. "I never knew you hunted the crocodiles yourself."

"Alligator. ~"

"No sweetie, crocodile. You don't get alligators in Australia."

A disappointed sigh greeted your ears, along with mutterings of how 'it didn't really matter that much' as you both ventured further into the wildlife. It didn't take long for you to reach an adequate spot, you knew this by the Earl's pleased hum, and he began his preparations. You stood awkwardly beside him, unsure of what to do.

"I do appreciate you inviting me though. It's nice to do stuff together."

Another hum.

"Yes, but it is mainly payback for the phone fiasco a few days ago." You blanched.

"Hey, I said I was sorry-- whoa!" You gasped, and Earl turned, watching the large crocodile that had emerged swim towards you. "Crickey, look at the snappers on that! He's got bigger teeth than you, and that's saying something! I think he could eat you whole, like how you eat m--"

Your rambling was cut off by a short hiss, and before you knew it a looming shadow passed you and the water began splashing violently. You could only watch in a strange, terrified daze as Earl pinned down the ferocious beast in the weirdest display of wrestling you had ever seen. And yet, there was something strangely attractive about your man showing off like that. ~

"Mate, I may stand up for you all the time, but they're right you know." You mused, watching with strange satisfaction as Earl broke the creature's jaw, after receiving a few bites beforehand. "You really are off your rocker."

"[Name], I will give you whatever you want if you please stop with the accent... and never come hunting with me again. The other crocodiles have gone." He sniffed, and you rolled your eyes.

"Whatever I want?" The previous display came back to mind, and you grinned. Earl blinked in response.

"Yes. ~ Whatever you wa--"

He was cut off by your shirt colliding with his head, causing the crocodile to slip from his grasp. Your bra soon followed.

"Bonzer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sorry


	11. Undici [Feline Troubles]

“Why doesn’t Lulubell talk to me much?”

“[Name], you dressed her up, remember?” Tyki deadpanned, taking another drag from his cigarette. You frowned in response.

“That was one time, and she looked cute in that pink coat and tiara, don’t deny it. ~”

“[Name], you did it whilst she was in cat form. You tried to enter her into a competition.”

“And she would have come first place, if she let me!” You huffed. “Honestly, there was no need to try and scratch my eyes out, or use me as a litter tray, or--”

Tyki just rolled his eyes and proceeded to ignore your ramblings.


	12. Dodici [Brooding]

"She’s brooding.”

The Millennium Earl blinked behind his pince-nez glasses, sparing another glance at your sulking form before turning to his fifth disciple.

“Brooding?”

Wisely nodded, glancing over at you.

“Yes, she was thinking about how happy the family is, and how she’ll never have one of her own. That the commitment might distract you from your duties.”

If the Earl could frown, he would have, nodding at the snow haired teenager.

“I see. ~ Thank you Wisely. ~”

The disciple nodded, leaving the two of you alone.

You continue hugging yourself in the corner, too wrapped up in your dark thoughts to notice the figure approaching you. You gasped when strong arms wrapped around your form, lifting you to your feet.

“[Name]-chan. ~” He cooed, rubbing his ear against your cheek. “What’s wrong my dear? Wisely says you’re brooding.”

You sighed, holding yourself tighter. You didn’t want to bother him with the thoughts, your dreams. You feared he would only accept out of pity, or because you asked. And yet, you needed an answer. The idea would plague you until you did, until you knew for sure…

“I… err…” You sighed again, trying to ignore your stinging eyes. “I’d like a kid… with you.” You peered at his spectacles, seeing the soft gold irises behind them. “I mean, if you want…”

He placed his index finger upon your lips.

“Of course I do! ~ A child with you would make my lengthy lifetime. ~” He wiped the tears now staining your cheeks away. 

“R-Really?”

“Of course!” His grin twitched, and you smiled in return. “So long as their name is Noah. ~”

You blinked.

“But what if it’s a girl?”

“… Noah. ~”

Cue facepalm.

**Author's Note:**

> ... It gets better I promise. Their relationship antics too. Also let me know if this needs a rating change. Still not 100% on it. Thanks!


End file.
